Web Resources

There are a number of online divorce information sites.  Most of them by various means are mechanisms by which law offices solicit new clients.


In The Gentleman’s Guide to the Nasty Divorce there is considerable discussion about how to hire the right lawyer for you and your present circumstance.  If for no other reason than to save on your lawyer’s travel time costs (lawyers get paid by the hour, so when they are traveling on your behalf, you have to pay them) it probably makes sense to hire a local attorney.  There are a lot of other reasons too, however.  Furthermore, for similar reasons it probably makes sense for your wife to do the same.  Knowing that, you probably want to make the rounds of the good ones ahead of her, and conflict out the best ones.


What does that mean?


The best defense is a good offense.  The way this move works is you ask around to learn who the best attorneys in your town/city/social group are and have been.  Make a list.  Make sure the ones who have won big settlements for your wife’s girlfriends are on it.  Let’s say there are six lawyers on the list.  Schedule an initial interview with each one of them where you preliminarily discuss your case.  Whether you did or not, tell each of them you had an extra-marital affair.  Stay for an hour and give them a check for their time.  In the end take the one you think you can get along with best who you probably knew all along you’d take.  But here’s the good news.  The other five are conflicted out, which is to say it would now be unethical for any of the other five to take your wife’s case.


But I’m guessing you’re here before you’re even thinking about retaining a lawyer.  Good.  Smart move.  There’s a lot of good information here, and there’s more coming.  But everything you need to know isn’t here.


So where else should you go?


In chasing around the web for various reasons I find myself coming back most often to the other side’s site.  Maybe it’s just me, but it seems to me the most helpful information about divorce, delivered straightforwardly and dispassionately, available today is to be found at www.womansdivorce.com.  There are links there to the family law statutes of the 50 states, for example, and a whole host of other links to other resources, including lawyers.


You don’t have to be a woman to go there.  They let me in.


You might also consider subscribing to the Huffington Post’s divorce section.  They cover divorce as a news beat with a special emphasis on the psychology of human relationships side.


As you approach your divorce it’s probably a good idea to create a new email address for yourself where divorce-related information can be sent to you as securely as possible. Call it something like bullpen1966@gmail.com ,  and don’t set it up on your iphone or BlackBerry where your wife may so easily snoop your emails.  Go to bullpen only from whichever computer you use that is the most secure.  Guys who know they’re going into the wringer from the start go to the pawn shop and get for cash a small laptop that they use just for their divorce-related correspondence, searches, and information exchanging.  They keep that computer locked up in the desk drawer in their office or wherever else in their lives it is safest from all prying eyes. For correspondence with attorneys, for example, or for HuffPost divorce news posts, and for logging in to The Gentleman’s Guide they use the little laptop and bullpen address.


Good luck, and keep me posted.



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